A 4: Tutor feedback and my responses
|Student name:||Morris Gallagher|
|Tutor name:||Dr. Ariadne Xenou|
|Degree pathway:||BA(Hons)Photography||Student number:||513748|
|Course unit:||Contextual Studies||Assignment No.:||4|
|Feedback format:||Written, Video, or Annotated?||Date: 26/07/21||Video|
Video feedback and discussion summary followed by marginalia to essay text
1. Formative Feedback
“Overall progressing well and appropriately. Improved, more cohesive and moving towards your objective. On track.”
“The good thing to me is you already have a sense of what the issues are with this work…and we have looked at how we might remedy them.”
“I like that you include something of yourself and work as a doctor in the text. Balance of research, personal experience and comment is about right.
I was not sure whether to include my own work, but Ariadne thought that it was appropriate.
Areas to improve – see action points
Demonstration of subject based knowledge and understanding – Broad and comparative understanding of subject content; knowledge of the appropriate historical, intellectual, cultural or institutional contexts (25%).
Good understanding of the subject including using appropriate sources. Improving use of Foucault and Hall and other sources, and more can be made of that. Includes historical, intellectual, and institutional research and discussion.
Demonstration of research skills – Information retrieval and organisation; use of IT to assist research; ability to evaluate IT sources; the ability to design and carry out a research project, locate and evaluate evidence from a wide range of primary and secondary sources (visual, oral, aural, or textual) (25%).
He understands the iterative way that research is designed and developed, and the importance of writing as an integral part of the research process. Extending the ideas from sources will improve things further.
Demonstration of critical and evaluation skills – Engagement with concepts, values, and debates; evidence of analysis, reflection, critical thinking, synthesis, interpretation in relation to relevant issues and enquiries (25%).
Improved understanding of concepts relating to power and culture. Has a personal voice with appropriate personal examples. Can reflect on the research and writing process.
Communication – The ability to communicate ideas and knowledge in written and spoken form, including presentation skills (25%).
Morris writes well and communicates clearly.
Abstract: Conventional for this to be one paragraph only. Rather than it being a description of the details, what has been done, or a navigational aid (it is a navigational aid but an overarching one – it is what will tell another researcher whether your paper is of use to their topic), it should identify the main notion/focus of the paper – what it is about and why it is important, what research or methods are used to answer questions posed, and what claims (theses) made ( a good way to consider this is holistically). Should use different words to those used elsewhere in the paper.
Chapter 1: Call the whole thing ‘Introduction;’ you don’t need to separate out these elements. The introduction can have subheading but needs to be more fluid and discuss your overarching approach specifically. This is where you elaborate on the topic, question and its importance, your methodological approach and thesis.
Summaries: At the end of each chapter summarise the written response to the questions raised at the start of the chapter – spell it out. Recapitulate what you did and where it got you.
Use of Quotations: Chapter 4 is “quotation heavy” – needs less but more analysis. Focus on summarising and paraphrasing so that you can use the space in applying the ideas in the paper – that is where the energy should be.
Introduction – function: This is where the research question is highlighted. It should be much clearer and highly specific. “Why is this subject important? How are you going to do this? How can Foucault and other help? In what way? What links will I make?”
This is mapping out the argument that is to be made which will include overarching sources such as Foucaultand Hall and how they will illuminate the important question that I am raising.
Myths, audience and representations: Good section on myth – there is also the audience dimension “where viewers are willing participants in notions of empire” and are not simply observers. There is a cycle here of the production, consumption, and dissemination of visual material (Hall); visual culture is re-circulated by doctors, patients and media which continues to affect behaviour and future productions of visual media – spell that out.
Culture: There could be more about visual culture and health care/doctors – “Visual culture is at the heart of this paper.” “Why do we look at images of doctors, and how does that affect our interactions with them?”
One of my theses is that the visual culture of doctors is neglected but I need to make the argument.
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|Assignment Four||9th July 2021|
|Assignment Five||26th August 2021…|
|Course end date||15/10/2021|
|Summative Assessment||March 2022|
2. Marginalia to A 4 essay text
It is too difficult to extract these but they are covered in the discussion above.
3. My response to this feedback
I am pretty happy with that feedback much of which I knew ahead of submission. A lot of this is about structure and what goes where. I knew that I was simply quoting rather than analysing text. I was also aware of missing material about culture and the pointers here were helpful.
I noticed that there was very little discussion about Chapter 2 and the discussion which pleases me – I am on the right lines.
I will start next week to re-write this and think that I can do it justice. I am also enjoying it now that the focus is much clearer about what to include. I need to be tighter.